And so the cycle continues…

The cycle continues. I am nearly done with my business plan, and feeling pretty good about progress made on my path to the Rescue Ranch. I gave myself a five year plan, almost four and a half years ago. I believe I am right on schedule. I have reached a place where I have started looking at ranches for sale now. I am hung up on wondering if we should buy a house, on some acres, or are we supposed to be looking for something more commercial, like a bed and breakfast or a dude ranch for sale? It seems to me that anyplace that has more than one living space on the property falls upward of 2 million dollars around here, and well, it just appears that it would be cheaper to buy a house and some acreage for two or three hundred thousand, and add the amenities as we go. I am really unsure of what to be looking for here. I am also very aware that my last message from God was to sit, wait, breathe, relax, and get my back healthy and it would come to me. I continue to do those things, waiting ever so “patiently”. Patience may be the relative term here. I am excited. Oh so excited! I daydream all day long, of chickens and bees and Alpacas. I can’t get my huge garden and tiny orchard out of my head. The idea of a big kitchen in which to process all the wonderful goodies that I am producing is so enthralling I can barely stand it. I ache to feel my feet on the soil that will one day be known as Rocky Mountain Rescue Ranch. The one thing that has remained true, in both visions, is that the main home is blue, and there is a white picket fence, which, by the way, I have never wanted…or if I did I was unaware of it. I think if I see that home I will know where I am supposed to be. I just gotta find the home from my visions. I cannot remember the first one very clearly. I remember being in the garden, in a long, flow-y, white summer dress. I remember being surprised by the white picket fence, and who one earth wears a white dress to garden? I cannot remember if the house was the same as the one in the second, much more clearly defined, vision. I do not know if they were the same color or size, but I am dying to find that home and yard, and when I do, I will know it. I remember they were both blue. Anyway, when I do find what I am looking for, blue or not, I am sure it will be glaringly apparent.

I have found myself on a strange and lonely path. It is not a bad lonely. It is a period of contemplation. I have found that I am having a hard time relating to some friends of the past, and making new friends in the most unusual places. When I step back and look at those new friendships, and where I am going, it is pretty obvious why some of these folks have come into my life, and when I look at old friendships, it reminds me of where I have come from. I love both groups so much. I have found myself struggling for words lately, as I have seen some of the friends I have known so long, beat their heads against the same walls over, and over, and over again. I wonder when they will stop torturing themselves. Why do they choose to only focus on the negative details? One friend cries and cried and cries for weeks over a hopeless situation. It affects everything about her days. I remember a time when I was in those same shoes. No matter how the situation was really presenting, I freaked out about the stuff I couldn’t change. It was torture. I would have done anything for happiness, but no matter what anyone said, I could not really hear them.  I needed something outside of me to change, for life to give me a break. Every little thing that went wrong defined my day and my life. I DO NOT MISS THOSE DAYS! I now struggle with being able to help my friend see that it is not something outside if her that has to change. It is her heart, her perspective, her vision of the situation, that has to change. It is not external. With a joy and contentment inside me, that I know comes from some simple choices I made, about perspective, I know that no matter how simple the concepts, wrapping your brain around them is foreign. How do we break the cycle from unhealthy self talk and thinking, to healthy self talk and thinking?I find it difficult to find the words this friend needs to hear, because I know that until her time, they will fall on deaf ears.

I find myself daydreaming of that joyful place. It occurs to me that I have had two visions with the same house in them. In the first one, my rescue ranch had not even been conceived by me yet, and in the second one it was a different perspective, but I believe it was the same house. I continue a cycle of daydreaming about chickens, bees, and alpacas, and I continue to daydream about canning and drying and putting up food. I got an upgraded dehydrator for mothers day and I couldn’t be happier about it. I LOVE dehydrating food far more than I ever imagined I could. I have some apples ready to go in this one. Next time I upgrade, I am going for the super heavy duty one! It is a gorgeous day, and I think I am going to try to get some gentle gardening done, and maybe clean my car real nice. My shoulder has been hurting so I will have to play it by ear and see what I can do without hurting myself. I had a doc recommend I get a back brace last week, and it has been fabulous for helping me stay in posture, even when distracted. I have some dwarf citrus trees I would really like to transplant, and it would be a fabulous day for it. I may have let one of them get to dry when I was really hurt to badly to take care of them. I am hoping it surprises me and comes back to a nice soft green place. I have found that often patience is all a plant needs to get a second chance.

Hubby is back at work, and my son is home with a bum tooth. Dentist can’t fix it till Monday, next week, so he will be going back to school tomorrow for sure. I have discovered a routine for cleaning when my husband is not here that works fabulously, I get tons done, and a wide variety of tasks get completed. I wish I could get a grip on my craft supplies. I have so many sewing and craft supplies that they are bulging out of every room I own..well, not really, but almost. I have many crafts that are ready to be put up for sale, but due to the lack of organization in my office, I just can’t seem to get myself to do it.

I started this post thinking about the cycles of abuse that people put themselves through, but got interrupted midway through. By the time I returned, my thoughts were back on chickens, and gardens, and a nice peaceful ranch. I am going to go work toward that for a while. Have a blessed day all…

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