Growing Pains

Good Sunny Day, my friends! Today I reflect on growing pains. From my own, to my loved ones, to perfect strangers I happen to come in contact with. I find myself reminding myself calmly that these growing pains are a part of moving forward with life, becoming more mature. A source for lessons. The college of life. I have patience and peace, because I have God and I know that He will not let me fall. That no matter what challenge I am facing, I have lived long enough to know, that no hardship comes without growth, without a positive. That I survive them all, and that new doors always open as old ones close. That when one well dries up, another always starts gurgling. In some ways, this makes it very hard to relate to people who have not had the time or healing to observe this factor. I feel very separate from people today. I have to keep reminding myself that there was a time in my life when that would not have seemed like menial drama and I would have lost control just as my friend is today. It applies everywhere I go. People hating on their neighbors because they dont like or understand a certain behavior. People gossiping about others. Snooz. So boring. I have a very busy life, listening to you drone on and on about a woman I will never meet is boring for me. Lets talk about me, or you, or politics, or God, or anything that affects us. Other peoples lives bore me unless I can be helping them in some way. I do not understand the need to read the tabloids, or know who is doing what, or to expend a ton of energy on things like Bruce/Caitlynn Jenners sex change. How does that affect us? Why are we wasting so much time having opinions on it?  Unless I feel God sent them to me, I really don’t care what or who they are doing. So today, when I saw a meme that said “A rumor stops at a wise persons ears” I decided that is a motto I want to embrace. The problem here, is that I have run out of polite ways to say “Your judgement of them only affects you, lets talk about something else”. or “are you shoulding on them?” My close ones know what this means. Its lonely though, watching people should on others and wonder why they are miserable, watching people have expectations and being dissapointed when they are let down. Seeing people struggle with patience time and time again, and the distress that waiting causes people. Social media filled with people saying “well I guess you are there for your friends then you need them and are all alone” in so many different ways, and wanting to reach out and say “Learn about codependency”. Learn about shoulding, fight or flight, shame, and trauma. Learn about validation and learn the difference between how man and womens brains work. Get over the notion of a perfect spouse. There are no perfect people, anywhere. Just two imperfect people who vowed to forever.  Its lonely trying to find someone who understands what the words “Joy is a choice” really mean, but also to have empathy for the knowledge that until someone teaches you how to choose joy, its an impossible notion. Wanting to see people soak up information overnight is painful. Seeing those moments when you realize how big their growth has been is amazing. I wonder how therapists do it? How do you resist the urge to quietly message every hurting person you meet and say I can help you if you want to do the work to heal. If you are open to spending hours sharpening your tools, I can show you how to build the foundation to a house full of joy. Faith. Patience. Acceptance. Forgiveness. and gratitude. All the tools you need. Lets gather and sharpen them, and joy will not be a hard choice. It will come naturally. I have this overwhelming desire to write a book about these five factors in life, and I will one day. Today, I have an overwhelming lack of time and a buffet full of plates to empty. It weighs heavy on my. Wanting people to understand connectedness. From our food to our air to our behaviors. Every single thing we do affects our joy, our happiness, our growth, our healing, and our ability to persevere. We have free will. Every single thing we do is a choice we have made. Why not choose joy? Why not look for the best case scenario instead of the worst? Or even better, think of best and worst and figure somewhere in the middle is reality, accept it, and move forward? Just an idea, I could be wrong. Finding a middle and most realistic scenario gives a stable balanced approach to handling it. Why choose the high or low road. Its never really best or worst case scenario in the end. It is almost always, somewhere balanced in the middle. Life is not meant to be lived in a constant state of highs and lows. Life is meant to have weather. rain one day, partly cloudy the next. Not a hurricane one day and a tornado the next. How we approach our challenges quite often affects our perception of hurricanes and tornados. Is it really a natural disaster or is it just a little rain to feed the thirsty flowers? One way that works really good for me in evaluating ‘freak out’ value of a situation is to ask myself how will it alter my dying day? Will I have to apologize to God for it? Will I feel confident in the value of the decision I made? Will I feel shame at my behavior? Will I even remember this day, or this moment? You would be amazed the perspective when you insert it into your deathbed moments with your maker. Real perspective change. Today, I am looking at people everywhere, and feeling sad at the small percentage who know how to choose joy, how to find faith, patience, acceptance, forgiveness, and gratitude. Those are tools all humans should come equipped with the latest model of. Sharpened and ready to get you through the hardest of times. Watching people hurt, ache and cry through the days it takes to sharpen them. The heartache of that nose to the grind job that makes you weary and pushes you to your limit is heartbreaking to watch. It often surprises me how long it takes even with the information available to help people heal. No one likes instruction manuals. The process of retraining your thinking. Retraining your habits and behaviors into healthy ones. Man, that is painful to watch. Its frustrating, It brings with it this quiet sense of helplessness. The urge to say “Seriously? THIS is what you are giving all of your energy to?!!?, and having to suppress that urge because they would not understand. Having to remember that there was a time I would not have understood either. Oh how I wish I could get the message to everyone. It doesn’t have to be as hard as you are making it. It is not as complicated as you think it is. It is simple. Beautiful. There IS still good in the wold. Joy IS still an option. All you have to do is choose it.

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