Nudges

Since I wrote yesterday, I have spent much time in deep contemplation. Shortly after I published my post, a friend showed me #notokay. I am on a rollercoaster my friends, and I have decided that we just need to keep following up. We need to have this conversation. Desperately. For months now I have been hearing the whisper “prepare yourself”. “Get ready”. “It’s time to speak out”. “Its time to say something”. But I didn’t understand. So I listened quietly for more directions. But yesterday, after my friend gave me the #notokay, I understood. I got it. We are being called. We are all being called to speak up. Put a stop to this! If you can’t do it publicly, then do it privately. But tell someone how you are feeling! Let them know that you feel hurt and alone. That daily you see jokes that aren’t funny and you feel compelled to awkwardly laugh along because it seems to be what others think is funny. You don’t have to keep these secrets. They are no definition of your worth. What I see, is that we are stepping up. we are saying no more. So many of us have the power to use our words. Some of us just arent there yet, and maybe they will never be, but Oh I hope they find the healing that allows them the strength and bravery to say “It happened to me, it makes me feel awful. It affected my life for a very, very, very, long time. Forever long. When I hear those words come out of your mouth, I see my attacker. Please check yourself, and use more respectful words around me”. My heart is on a roller coaster, because on the one hand, as someone who has not been ashamed to talk about my abuse for many years, I am approached with and work with victims of sexual misconduct every day, and so it is no secret to me how many have been hurt. It is no surprise, how many could message privately but not in front of groups of people. And it breaks my heart daily, that there are so staggeringly many of us. But I celebrated yesterday. I celebrated because people are speaking out. They are saying no more! This has gone too far. The amount of people being triggered by this latest political load of crap goes so far beyond politics that it aches to the core how real this problem is. But, I see eyes being opened. I see men responding with “well, I hadn’t really thought of that”. I see people being impacted as we band together as a net of survivors and lift each other up. And I praise God. I praise God for giving us the strength and bravery and self worth to say NO MORE!!! This has to stop!! So I am a roller coaster. A roller coaster of aches. For victims and survivors. For those afraid to speak out, for those who feel all alone, for those who think that they somehow deserve this. I ache for them. I am so deeply sorry that they had to experience that pain. And for the ones who are strong enough to speak for those who still have not found that voice, I am proud of you! I am proud of you for finally standing up and saying NO MORE! I am proud of you for fighting the fight. I am sad that you had to be triggered so deeply as to have to bare your shame for the world, but I am mostly proud of you for standing up for those who cant yet. Keep talking! Keep talking. If you reach one person today, Its worth it. I love you my friends! We are going to stand strong together in this!

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