Archives

Change

Ahhh change, and a little more sweet relief! My husband finds himself traveling for a period of time, and the guest on the couch has to go. It was already determined that he would leave before hubby did. It just didn’t feel ok to me, to have my husbands best friend sleep on the couch while he was away. It was a good thing anyway. He overstepped about a hundred boundaires while sleeping on our couch for the last month, but the last straw came this weekend when I got a homepage from my internet service provider reporting too much abuse coming from my IP address! Excuse me? How is that possible. Come to find out, that after being asked three times not to look at porn on our son’s computer, by both my husband, and me, he not only looked at some really nasty stuff…titles like sleazydates, but we got a virus. A BAD virus! Are you kidding me? We have been deep scanning my sons computer for two days. It takes twelve hours per round, and the virus attacked the antivirus software and opened up the camera. Oh you can bet I was livid. I was calm angry. At that place that comes after raging, shaking angry. Calm, quiet, ready to punch him in the face angry. I don’t hit. Never have, don’t plan to start now. Seeing white angry! You can bet when my husband looked at me speechless, overwhelmed, and not sure where to begin, I had plenty to say. When my friend started to talk, I told him he didn’t get to talk. We had talked to him about this three times. It was disrespectful to our home, and everyone in it. He not only had the nerve to access that stuff while my respite client was here, and five feet away on the couch, he also knew of the virus, shut down the computer, and went to bed without telling anyone. Oh livid! When I was done, I apologized to my husband and son for what they had heard, and how mean I had been, and my son actually told me he had never heard me be that mean before. I can promise you one thing, and one thing for sure…Messing with pornography and my son all in one motion will get you to my deepest rage. That is a promise. I am a kind, caring, nurturing, and compassionate person. I have even spent a moment or two dwelling that my friend is out there, alone. Not a friend in the world. Lost his wife, his house, his job, in one day, and only sees his child occasionally now. Our other good friends turned their backs on him. He is a good friend, he made a very rude and disrespectful mistake, but I do get where he is coming from, and it most certainly the sin that I hate here, not so much the sinner. Him, I am angry at. The fact that he is lost and wandering in a dark world is not surprising, as it seems the norm when I evaluate the behavior of myself and others coming out of a long term relationship. I am not saying everyone handles loss with porn, I am saying that every divorce or separation I have seen has come with some sort of rebellion and irrationality. That does not excuse his inappropriate behavior in my home, and he knows to stay away for a while.  I was mean, I was vicious mean. Part of me feels guilty, but most of me feels like “how dare he?” I sent him away with the knowledge that he would be replacing my sons computer very quickly if I did not get it fixed, and that I would be sure that happened. I explained to him exactly how angry I was when I could not get to my little friends cancer awareness page, and that he had lied to me over and over and over again. I can forgive almost anything, immediately, if you can be accountable and own it. Lying to me will get you anger, mistrust, and a cold shoulder. People often tell me how big my smile is. Sometimes I am forced to remind them that while my smile is my favorite facial outfit, the rest of my emotions are just as big! Few understand that until they push me too far or see someone else push me too far. I am not a spiteful or vengeful person, I am just patient. I take a lot of crap, but there is a line, and when you cross it, that’s too much crap. I get cold and rational….and smart. That crushing wit I talked about…it leads my conversations with or without my permission. My husband thinks its funny. I think I need to control it well, but I am pleased that I was able to get my point across yesterday, and quite frankly, on a human level, it just felt good to tell him how badly he treated us and to get the hell out of my house…now. I hate it when I enjoy making a grown man cry. Thank God it doesn’t happen often.

The world is in a smoother, more relaxed place now. Bad friend off the couch and outta my hair, hubby off on a far away job, computers both clear and free of viruses and other malware, and the house is in a state of peace and quiet. I have the parental setting set so high in my sons computer, there wasn’t one piece of infected file attached to his account. I had no idea parental controls worked so well. The settings that high also prevent him from operating the camera, and yet the camera was activated, so I think I am just going to put a piece of electrical tape over his camera. My father in law laughed at me, but I saw a tv special the other day on pedophiles, and how easy it is for them to turn on your child’s computer cam remotely, in seconds, without anyone knowing. That scares the daylights out of me. My child is a teenage Aspergers nerd (I say that with the most pride and affection you can imagine). It is just that he would rather play an engineering game than talk to people or look at girls online, but that doesn’t stop people from watching him, and I am NOT ok with that.

I am pretty lazy and unorganized today, but with the start of a new week, I am looking forward to what the days should bring. I anticipate getting some lists made, getting my house clean, getting some crafts done, and getting paperwork responsibilities managed. I think I will get a chance to pamper myself one or two times while he is gone, and I look forward to a quiet, relaxing, clean, home. I think it will take me a week to get to that place. I anticipate the following week to be productive as I work on focusing toward the future and some of the responsibilities that come with getting to a rescue ranch. I can turn the heat up a degree or two, without anyone caring, and I don’t have to worry about my hubby being sad when I don’t go to bed as early as he does. My son’s sleep disorders physically limit this behavior in our lives, and so far we have not been able to find a solution to the fact that he hates to go to sleep without me, but I have to stay up with the boy, and he needs more sleep than I do, so he can’t make it through the week if he sleeps on my schedule. It will be nice to not feel bad about that.

The grocery store near our house is remodeling, and there are so many great deals to be had. I look forward to grocery shopping this week. It seems like everything is on clearance, which is not true, but a ton of stuff is. I LOVE CLEARANCE! It could be a hoarder tendency I think…I am not a hoarder, but I could be with the right amount of space and money…kidding. I grew up without a lot of money, and then was the single mother of a special needs child for ten years. I have a tendency to want to buy things cheap, and when they are cheap, to stock up. I think it is more a survival instinct than a hoarder tendency, since I like it all to be neatly organized and in its place with labels and dates.

I just remember the relief, when I was supporting two on less than four hundred dollars a month, when there was a spare shampoo under the sink for days when I had three dollars to my name. Speaking of that time in my life…if you are having trouble handling your finances, may I suggest Financial Peace University. Dave Ramsey. The man is a genius. I was able to support two people on under four hundred dollars a month, without accruing any new debt, for almost a year. My church paid for the class and materials for me, and I went. It was amazing. Nothing like I imagined it would be. He didn’t tell me I had to quit doing anything, he didn’t set strict rules I couldn’t will myself to observe. He taught me to make common sense changes in my life, in a Biblical way. I will go again and again to the classes (they are free once you have taken it once), and I would recommend, and will purchase the class for people in my future. I have already bought it for one person…my friend whose world was upside down. he didn’t make it through, but maybe when he gets back on his feet he will try again. I will offer these classes to the community when I start my rescue ranch. I feel strongly that the simple skills outlined in those classes can turn anyone’s life around.

Dinner is made and the dishes are done. Son is relaxing for a few minutes before he has to get in the shower and get ready for school tomorrow. Mutts are pottied and quietly snoozing. I have not bothered to turn on the tv today, but maybe I will do that in a little bit for some quiet background noise. I even got some food processed today that was not going to make it any longer in my fridge if I didn’t do something about it. I have roasted a turkey and a chicken in the last three days. That is a lot of white meat in my freezer. I got the clever idea to grind some up for chicken salad before I froze it, so all I have to do is thaw and add condiments when son wants chicken salad for a snack. Here is hoping it works. I tried to press as much of the air out of it as I could. I look forward to a lovely, quiet evening of list making and regrouping myself for my week that starts tomorrow. I love regrouping on Sunday night. A fresh start first thing in the morning is awesome. Especially on Monday morning.On that note, I believe I will go start my nighttime routine. You kids have a lovely day! God bless!

Ahhh…sweet relief!

Relief…where do I begin? I woke up this morning, in a strange town, in a strange bed, with pillows taking the place of my husband. Thankfully, I felt well enough to go on my adventure, but today was the first day I had no pain and swelling was minimal. I am blatantly aware of little blessings today, and the relief that they bring. It was a HUGE relief to wake up this morning with no pain and minimal swelling in my face! Yay for eating what I wanted to today! It was nice to not be constantly bothered by the throbbing in my face!

Our drive was uneventful and nice. We made it to our destination in great time, and had a lovely time. My roomie was a great person to “bunk” with, and it was all around pleasurable. Our day was a smashing success, despite little challenges all day long, and we managed to spay and neuter over a hundred and twenty animals. I would say that most certainly falls into the relief category! The clients were awesome today, no impatient pet parents trying to tug their still anesthetized dogs off the floor in an effort to unsuccessfully convince me that they are ready to go home. I LOVE patient pet people!

As concerned as I am about the lack of precipitation this winter, it snowed today. Quite a bit. We got so many phone calls and text messages telling us that is was nasty out, and the roads were twenty five mile an hour road conditions all the way home. They were a little disturbing. Go figure, it waits till I am out of town to snow a bunch, and now I have to drive back in a seventy something van that really needs to be replaced, and being a non-profit, we just don’t have the money, so we drive it till it dies…hopefully not in a snowstorm! One of these days, maybe we will be blessed with a donor…for now, we just keep praying we make it to the next event, and home! So, we drearily heave our exhausted bodies into this van, unenthusiastic about the dreaded drive home through the treacherous storm. It’s gonna be a long night! We have what should be a three and half hour drive ahead of us, but through weather predictions, and in this ragged old beast of a van, we are looking at a six or seven hour night, minimum! Oh my! Imagine our relief when we found the roads to be dry and clear all the way home! Twenty three miles out, we had to get off the interstate, and drive local roads…at which point the concern became apparent. There must have been an inch of ice under that snow! Still, we are tired, cold, hungry, and still have to drop off the van at the storage unit, pick up coordinators car, drive to her house, start my car, scrape my windows, wait for it to warm up, and drive another fifteen miles on those icy roads to get to the comfort of my home.

Ahhh…familiar roads. I could drive them blindfolded…such a relief! The light pollution reflecting off the newly fallen snow, was just enough to highlight the range that reminds me I am home, and at this point all I can think about is greeting my husband in a few short minutes, and kissing my boy goodnight. I spend the next half hour winding my way through the frozen streets, slipping and sliding through every take off from stop. These roads are awful! Thank God I have my family, and wonderful pets to daydream about, while my eyes are riveted on every little obstacle on the road between them and I. The only thing that matters is that I get to them, and it is relieving to know that they are only moments away!

Now you must know that the sweet relief of pulling into my driveway was so overwhelming that I had my door open, and was stepping out of the car, before I realized that I needed to gather my belongings, and shut off the car. I pulled my foot back in, gathered my things all up in one big armed trip, and trudged my way through the snow to my freshly shoveled sidewalk. I entered my home to find a pack of mutts so excited to see me that I could not find a place to set my bags. My husband could not get near me. That statement is not fair, unless you know that I have well mannered dogs, who know that I am going to take my jacket off and put my keys, purse, mail, and whatever else I may be carrying, down before they get attention. While they may follow me around the house until they get my attention, the rarely get in my space before I have room for them. You must also realize, that while they most certainly recognize my husband as the dominant male in the house, I am the dog handler, and the one whom they are with all day every day. It was me who trained them, and it is primarily me who potties, feeds, and exercises them. I am their pack alpha, and I left them for almost a full 36 hours. I swear they thought I was never coming back! Even my two cats are willing to sleep snuggled up in the same vicinity as the mutts in an effort to grab a miniscule piece of my attention. All I want to do is kiss my husband and get out of those snowy wet clothes. Hours later, I am still chilled to the bone, and I am about to revisit that hot cocoa craze I have been in. The guys did not destroy my house (they didn’t do dishes either, but who cares, I am just happy to have them), I got my kiss, got out of those snowy, wet and cold jeans, and into something much more cozy and comfortable, got another kiss from my hubby, and went to find my boy for a goodnight kiss too… Until tonight, I am not sure I realized how much I appreciate a kiss from the ones whom I truly deeply love.

Pets sufficiently appeased…for the most part, hubby off to work now, which is ok. The cold is outside, and I am in. All is well. I am going to snuggle down into my cozy warm bed, thank God for the wonderful outpouring of relief on my day, and sink into the sweetest relief of all…pure, delightful, in my own bed, with my own pillows, best kind of restful, oblivious sleep.  Sweet dreams, my friends, and may you all enjoy the kind of deep slumber that I anticipate for myself on this ever so blessed evening.

Disorganized

Isn’t it strange how one day you can have so much clarity, and the next you are wondering if you have any of it right? My world has been upside down for almost a month now, and inside out for a couple of weeks. It has been an interesting course of events, this past month. It finally snowed here. I read on the news the other day that the rest of our state got 15 inches last week, but it skirted right around us. I live in the foothills of the mountains in Montana and it has snowed three…yes three times this year. What is going on? Regardless, we got a bunch of snow yesterday. Hubby worked hard plowing for 19 of the last 24 hours, and is now trying to get in a snooze before our valentines date at the church tonight. Poor guy is beat!

I have had so many strange turns of events the last few weeks, and most of them jive with everything I perceived happening around me, with little exceptions. Hubby is looking down a path that, should he follow, will change everything about the location I was hoping was the plan for the rescue ranch. He may have an opportunity to grow in his career, and within a certain reasonable limit, I completely support him doing whatever he feels called to do with his career. I also have my mind open to the idea the God will take me wherever I am supposed to be, and I just have to trust Him, so if hubby’s job takes him elsewhere, then I guess I am meant to do the rescue ranch elsewhere. All my adult life I have felt called to a place just a few hours North of here, and I am very open to the possibility that I am supposed to take the rescue ranch up there… If hubby is transferred, I would be forced to conclude that this is the case.

My world has been overwhelming. I allude to the Highly Sensitive Personality type often, and today, this factor comes into play in my life again. With a guest on my couch, and his crazy dog to boot, life has been overwhelming. As a highly sensitive person, I require a great deal of “down” time, or “recovery” time. It is exhausting to me to be around constant noise and stimulation. I am a person who can happily sit in a candlelit room and do nothing at all for long periods of time…

I have a friend in need, who does not understand what comfortable silence is. One who cannot sit alone for five minutes without some kind of stimulation, even if it is a book or tv. I have never seen him just be still. Our world’s are foreign to each other, and it makes me realize how much my husband and I really do have in common. We have dogs. We are pack people. My husband and I joke about how much you appreciate the pack members you chose when a stray shows up…

I never realized how much my husband and I have in common until this friend showed up, and took for granted things that neither my husband, nor I, would ever consider as guests in anyone’s home. I realized in little behaviors, how similar hubby and I are as far as things like attention to detail, self direction, common sense and logic. I am so very thankful that my hubby needs quiet time as badly as I do. He is not a Highly Sensitive person, but he does get overwhelmed fairly easily when he gets no relax time.

I spent the last week getting more and more overwhelmed. I finally had a complete breakdown a few days ago, after a series of uncomfortable events, and sat down and wrote about fourteen pages of prayer, asking for guidance and wisdom in my situation. I asked for patience and understanding from hubby while I presented my issues, and I just put it out there for Him, raw. I slept on it, got up in am, waited till hubby was ready, and brought it up through tears. Hubby was patient, understanding, and not at all defensive. He addressed the issue immediately. Unfortunately, the issue came up again, and I had to address it myself. I had really hoped that our guest would respect my husband, but he did not, and I had to confront him. I hate confrontation. I am not good at it, but it worked, nonetheless. My issues are resolved, I feel like my home is a home again, and that is big considering last week I felt like it was the evils ones dormitory! I started my conversation with my hubby by telling him that I was trying to glorify God, and I felt like we were living in a dark cloud of sin, and that God was not at all happy with the goings on in this home, and that we would not get to move forward while we were living this way. That got his attention and he immediately handled it. I feel like I have a Christian home again, and that praying for guidance and approaching it the way I did really helped to avoid an argument. I am so thankful that my husband wants to glorify God as much as I do. That makes things much easier.

Meanwhile, there is so much going on, and so many thoughts in my brain about what I should be doing, where my goals are, what I need to be doing, what I want to be doing, and just little ideas about life, that I cannot seem to get into that place where I have a grip on it all. I used to make a list or two every night before bed. I have not been able to bring myself to do that in almost three weeks. I just can’t seem to get focused, and I am not sure what to do about it. I used to have a stretching routine that I did when I was overwhelmed or just needed quiet. I have not done it since I moved into this house almost three years ago. I think about it once in a while, but I just never get around to it. I think it would help me greatly to reinstate that habit in my life. I feel like we are close to a place where we get to move forward on our path, and I really have the strangest desire to just start packing up my stuff and making sure I am all sorted out and ready to go when it is time. I know that is silly. Buying a house takes months, and I will have plenty of time to pack and get ready and sorted when we make that leap, so why the sudden desire to start packing. Maybe it is because I am picturing it wrong? I assumed when we moved, we could take as long as we wanted to move our stuff from this home to out next, as it is not rented and there is no real hurry for us to get out. I always picture moving being a two or three week event of taking things as we were ready for them at a nice leisurely pace. Who am I kidding? I have moved a lot and never has it been peaceful, relaxing, or leisurely. I don’t know why this strange urge. Maybe it is just because I need to do some compartmentalizing and that seems to be an effective way. I had a high school English teacher once, who had us write our name on the middle of a piece of paper, draw a circle around it, and the draw lines to smaller circles projecting out from the center, descriptive words and phrases about the topic. I feel like I want to do a huge chart like that. I have a lot of separate issues that I would like to do that with, but they all tie back to one or two main jumping off places. I have tried a couple of times, but it is just too much, I can’t fit it all on one piece of paper. Maybe a notebook, full of pages of those diagrams? I started a notebook of lists, but I don’t know where I have placed it. There was even a list of lists I want to make in that notebook. What a weirdo!

Normally, this time of year, I would be obsessing impatiently about my garden. For some reason, this year, I have no desire or drive to even think about it. I am not sure if it is because I am still waiting for winter to happen, or if it is because I don’t feel like I can get a grip on my indoor projects this year, much less planning outdoor ones. This winter has been weird. We have all been sick more than normal, there has been no snow, life has been turned upside down and inside out. I feel like I have completely lost crafting time as part of my routine, and I have not done most of the things that I enjoy doing all winter long. I haven’t even flipped the power switch on my sewing machine. I have dug through the patterns, gotten distracted and walked away. So far very little baking or cooking, and well, I just really don’t know what happened to this season. I got a rough draft of my business plan kinda written, and well, as far as I can tell, that is about it. I guess I spent a good portion of November and December very ill, and got nothing done those two months, but still, what happened to this winter? Oh, I also pulled off my first fundraiser, successfully, so I guess I should give myself some credit, but I feel all outta sorts, wondering how to organize the mess of thoughts in my head.

Now that you have wasted a good portion of your day reading through the very mundane thoughts in my head, I hope that you have a lovely afternoon, and hopefully I will have something more profound next time! God bless…

How much is too much?

What to say or what not to say, that is the question I find myself looking at. I sit here in the quiet of my office, pondering over so many things. The fundraiser, my role in the home, outside of the home, in the church, and out of the church. I have a strong desire to write, but I want to write about raw things. Things I am not sure I can or should put out there for the world to read. Do I want to bear all on the internet, or do I want to close this computer up and find my journal, my good, safe paper journal. I want to do some reflecting. I want to sit down and write out my goals and priorities. I want to put in perspective where I have landed. I want to make a resume as if I am applying for a job as owner of my rescue ranch, what qualifies me, what takes away from that, and focus on what still needs to be done. I want to reflect on my Bible study, and many other aspects of my life as well. I want to reflect. I want hours and hours to just sit, and reflect. I have a now and a couple of thens I want to reflect on. Then past and then future. A good stint of quiet time with no distractions would be great. I have about a million things I want to ponder on. The Bible, Revelations in particular. It occurred to me that the book of James might be the secret to happiness in life. I decided if Bible study continues to go down that oh so painful road it has been down so many times, I am going to tell those ladies to stop it. It has been going on for too long now and they need someone to tell them how judgmental they are being. Quite frankly, it makes me question my peers and I don’t know how to express my frustration. These women are older than me, more mature Christians than me, and yet, somehow I think they really miss the mark or struggle to grasp the simplest concepts and I feel at a loss, and blessed at the same time. Concepts that seems so simple to me seem to be too much for some of these women, most of these women, to grasp, and it leaves me feeling lonely. I feel overlooked in my church, like I have put myself out there many times, and they just look at me like Yeah right? What could you have to offer. I don’t know why I feel that way, but I think it developed over time. I tried to become involved, and nobody really took me seriously. I don’t feel like my pastor or his wife takes me seriously, and I feel blown off by the three women I admired most. I don’t really know what to do about this, but it is the only church I have ever felt completely at home in, so for now, I keep going. I think if I am right, and this blessing is disguise is really what I think it could be, then maybe there is a different church in my near future anyway. I want to do a sit down write up about how my life has prepared me for RMRR, and how God showed me the dream I never knew I had, but that is for my private journal for now.

We finally got snow, and I am stuck on the garden. I can’t stop thinking about growing my own veggies and fruits. I want to plant a garden, and an orchard. I want to buy some bees and some chickens, and I want to be able to take care of my family with healthy food in times of need as well as times of abundance. I wonder if there will ever be times of abundance again…wait, I know we are in a time of abundance, really, and that we are ridiculously over consumptive. I was trying to make a point that those words won’t work for. I long for a routine that allows time every day for chores, crafts, cooking, gardening, sewing, and writing. Oh my, I have big dreams! I might have to do some of those things a couple of times a week rather than every day, to fit it all in. I also work outside the home, providing childcare, one day a week, and it seems to disrupt my whole week. For now, it is necessary, but I imagine that sooner or later we will move further out of town, and I will have to give it up anyway.

I want so badly for this to be it. My chance to move forward. I am not sure if it is, but I hope so. I am patient, and I can wait as long as I need to. As much pressure as I feel to get the ranch going, I know the Good Lord will put it in my hands when it is meant to be. I wonder alot about the “coincidences” surrounding my dreams, and past roles in this community. I can’t get to specific here, but a past connection seems perfect and I wonder if that is supposed to play a part in my attempt to move forward. I need to get a routine established. Get on top of paperwork and other responsibilities. Well, it is time for me to be off to put my young one to bed, so I suppose that is all the rambling you have to endure for tonight. Have a blessed night my friends.

A gorgeous fall day

Hello all…I suppose it is not technically fall yet, but it sure feels like a gorgeous fall day. The leaves are doing their thing, the sun warmed air feels nice against the cool breeze. The garden has been put to bed, with the exception of a few small clean-up projects I have left to tackle. The need for the Rescue Ranch becomes more apparent every day and I find myself staring at the business plan template, wondering what’s next all the time. Today I was asked to help find a home for a young mature Border Collie who needs a job and an understanding family, but sounds like the most precious little animal. If I was set up and ready as a rescue, I could go get him today, and he could be happily frolicking in my fields right now! The ten year plan, that was my big plan for today. It got thrown off when I became distracted by waiting for the mail. I am expecting some Reba McIntyre tickets int he mail, the show is tonight, and the person taking me couldn’t make it so she next day expressed them. I spent the day kinda going about my day, while being distracted with one ear on the front door. The neighbors got their mail…nothing for me though. Bummer, looks like the concert might be off. Secretly, I am ok with that. I would like to go, and if they show up I will be thrilled, but if not, I would get just as much pleasure from quilting a pair of hotpads, or making a bead strand. I think I would even get great pleasure from just writing the ten year plan, which I think will go very quickly. I would enjoy a face mask and a hot oatmeal milk bath as much as well. I had a nice girlfriend chat on facebook, and now I am back to finish my post. It doesn’t look so promising on the tickets, but no big deal. I guess I can put them in a scrapbook as the vacation that didn’t pan out for my cuz. Well, I better go get myself presentable, just in case UPS shows up in the next half hour. Later my friends.

What a week it’s been!

Well, nothing has gone as planned for the last two weeks. Visitors who were supposed to visit didn’t. Both of my guys got sick. One day of school this week, after two sick days, only to learn that there is no school tomorrow or Friday. I have been trying to stay motivated to keep moving forward despite a house full of germy men! I am really uncertain how I will structure the ranch, as there are both for profit and non-profit aspects of it… Feeling quite confused on this aspect right now! I need to feed my mutts so that I can officially call it a night, but my husbands boys night is running a little long and I can’t feed till visiting mutt goes home! I harvested my tomatoes and peppers today. I also had two eggplant still hanging on strong in the greenhouse. As of today, the garden is officially harvested! I have a stack of tomatoes and peppers to process, and a bunch of zucchini and squash to deal with as well, and the next few days should be nice and busy. I can get it done Tomorrow or Friday, but I think once the weekend comes, I am tied up for several days! I start a new respite care job this week. It is funny how things have panned out the last two weeks. Things I never saw coming just cozied right up in my life and made themselves comfortable. I had a phone call from Blue Cross Blue Shield asking me to please get certified to do respite care, because I came highly recommended and I would be a gem to the community. Because I am not certified, but came highly recommended by a highly respected therapist, they are going to write up a contract for me to do respite care for the family. I am pretty excited about that. he financial aspects of the rescue ranch make no sense to me, but I am going to get ahold of SCORE for some help structuring the business, and that should help tremendously with perspective. I have most of the business plan done, with exception to structure and finances…. I can answer any question someone asks me about how or what I am planning, but putting it on paper in a business format is tough! I have decided to make a ten year plan this evening. I think it would help me alot if I could write it down that way so that when I go to score they will be able to understand what I am getting at without a two hour explanation. I guess I need to go take care of responsibilities now! Later.