Dynamics and emotions

What a strange dynamic I am in. It feels as though the worst and best things in my life are happening right now. On the down side, my best friends daughters cancer is back with a vengeance, and that is hard. On the other hand, RMRR is coming to fruition right before my eyes. We are planning to move December 1st, assuming we can find a place. That is so exciting, but it is weighted by the impending future of my little friend. I have learned so much about myself this last few weeks. I have a myriad of emotions that I don’t know how to sort. I have had a string of run in s with bullies, both in my life and in my childs. I feel as though God is trying to teach me to really stand my ground. I am ok at it, but I let people push me around sometimes, and well, I am improving my “standing my ground” skills. I am overwhelmed with a sense of urgency, and there are so many different wavelengths  paths, and thoughts in my head, that I am struggling to compartmentalize them all, even on paper. On the one hand, I am coordinating several fundraisers for my friend, and one the other trying to raise money for my own non profit dreams. It occurs to me that I am on the path to opening a cancer awareness non profit, but that was never in my plans. I guess Gods plans are rarely the same as ours. I have learned that I am incredibly competent at fundraising, that I don’t get stage fright speaking on a stage, to an audience, in a microphone. That was wonderful to learn. I have had so many great epiphanies about my capabilities, but the sadness and guilt that comes when you feel like you are not supposed to be getting so much good out of your friends tragedy. I have had anger, rage, hate, sorrow, joy, giddiness, and hope, shattered and replaced many times, this week. That is just the tip of the iceberg. I think I have used every single emotion I am equipped with , on multiple occasions, this week. I am in a place, where i feel God would not have equipped us with emotions if we werent meant to use them sometimes, and this is the week for emotions. Its slightly reminiscent of being on that bi-polar roller coaster, except that it is triggered by real life events that are beyond my control. Today, I work on my binder, get the new plans up and rolling. My logo is FINISHED! It is so beautiful. Next week I go down and register it. This is all coming together so nicely! Almost there kids…almost. I hope you all have a most blessed weekend! Until next time…

 

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Dynamics and emotions

  1. I totlally get what your going through, I feel like gideion at times ….just a farmer not a battler, but as the world mounts against my family (it seems), we seem to be gearing up for battle, not struggle, but battle anyway. Job loss, school troubles, family issues, neighbours,and uncompasiion from all arenas. God told me with few we are great….. and a friend told me you never know how far the ripple will reach and its never whom you would expect. You are a blessing, I am so happy for your ministry, what ever it is….. It can be very fullfilling, and yes it can be a roller coaster as you work day in and out and no one else “gets it” …..but you are helping people. 🙂 Keep AT it. Lord works all things togehter for Good.

    • Hello Sowninpeace, you are right, you really do never know how far it will reach. I learned that very lesson recently, in one of my fundraisers. The people we reached…I just never imagined the difference we would end up making. I cry tears of joy when I think at how many people reached out to help us. Some days I feel so stuck, like I could do so much more than I am doing, and other days, I am blatantly aware of how my little presence makes a profound difference in a persons day. If only people knew the value of empathy in a persons life. All too often, people try so hard to comfort us and give us hope by saying “it will be ok” , or “you will get through this” or some other equally uplifting generic terms, but never remember to say…wow, even though it is going to be ok, that must be really hard for you right now, or “boy that must be really scary”. I think it is lack of empathy that leads to the feeling of people not getting it. No one ever taught them how to say…wow that sucks. I am on such a roller coaster, but I have peace, because whether I understand what He is up to or not, I always know that God has me in the palm of His hands, just waiting for the right moment to affect the situation. I am pretty determined, and I don’t know how to not “keep at it”. Welcome to my journey! I look forward to sharing it with you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s